I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
