he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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