I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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