It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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