I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
