He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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