Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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