Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
