How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I will pee on everything he values.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
