Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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