his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
