i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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