I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
