So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
She's the barista slut.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
