im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize