when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize