Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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