You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Randomize
