this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
