I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize