I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
