Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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