so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
