Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
