I met the friendliest cop last night
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I AM VODKA MAN
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
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