They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
