at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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