so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
