RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Found your dick twin last night
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
