i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
