He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
