let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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