i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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