I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
