Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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