i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
it glows. i had to have it.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
