WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
This house was built for laser tag.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Randomize
