I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Someone came in the potted fern
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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