Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
