Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
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