I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize