Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
