Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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