In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
