Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
How does one acquire holy water?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
