all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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