His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
