All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
