i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize