Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize