Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
