I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
