I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
high people should be assigned attendants
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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