How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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