im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
