I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I know her cup size but not her name....
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