So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
