Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Randomize
