Apparently you make a good broom.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
