I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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