Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
