Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
