the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
