He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
