my mouth tastes like poor choices
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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