I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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