allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
