so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
