someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
