Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
high people should be assigned attendants
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
