You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
